So.....what do you do when your spouse doesn't GET the issues that your oldest child, who happens to be an Aspie, has??? I mean, c'mon....seriously. I *know* that it's been difficult to deal with....I *know* that it's hard to understand....but, damnit, we HAVE to deal with it correctly or there's going to be bigger issues down the road.
We got Bubby a Nerf "protecter" for his Nintendo DS....much needed, especially since Lil Man likes to grab things from your hands and throw them....down the steps. Yeah. So, got the protector, put it on the DS and after spending about 10 minutes with it on, Bubby wants to know can he take it off....he doesn't like the way it feels on his hands. Duh. It didn't even occur to me (us) that he may have sensory issues with it.....he's particular about what he feels on his skin....and he doesn't like "rough" feeling stuff-no one does but what's "rough" for him isn't necessarily rough for someone without sensory issues. So, when he came to us and asked if he could take the DS out of the protector as long as he wasn't up and walking around because it "feels funny" ....well, I didn't really think it was a big deal. But nope, Randy had a fit over it. And when I told him that it's likely a sensory issue and we should give him time to adjust to it. He said he (Bubby) needs to keep the damn DS in the protector and just adjust. *scoffs* Because it's just easy peasy pudding pie for Bubby to "adjust", right? He still doesn't like to feel a shirt's cuff seam on his wrist.....but now, about 5 yrs later, at least he's not still tearing holes in the sleeves so he doesn't have to wear them anymore. Or, what about the seams on socks? It's pretty dang hard to find seamless socks let me tell ya, but I do it because it just bugs him so much. Any kind of ribbed or textured shirt? Not getting worn by Bubby....it's either "itchy" or just plain ole "I don't like how it feels Mooooommmm". So, am I going to force him to use the protector all the time? Heck no......as long as he's sitting down I don't see that he needs to keep it in the protector.....but if he's up and about? Yes, he'll need to have it on.
Last week we had a pretty special night..... Thursday night they had an awards presentation at Bubby's school for kids who scored "Proficient" or "Advanced" in Communication Arts and Math. He got medals and certificates for "Proficiency" in both subjects! We are soooo PROUD of him! He told us after the presentation that he wants to get "Advanced" next year and I was like "Wow! He's got some high goals for himself" .....which he promptly shot down when he finished his announcement with "because the Advanced medals have way cooler pictures on them Mom!" LOL......
In other school news......Bubby has completed most of his IEP goals. One or two of them he's having issues with, but, his speech therapist/case manager says that she expected it because the curriculm is getting more difficult. He's still got all A's and B's on his report card so I'm pleased.....but, am accepting right now that the IEP will have to be redrafted for his move to 5th grade this fall. Hopefully I'm better able and equipped to deal with all the meetings and such this time around.....last time I was a nervous wreck and had major panic attacks. However, we'll be dealing with the same people-with the exception of his teacher of course- so I expect that it will be somewhat easier on me.
Now I'm off to dig up info to share with Randy about sensory issues and Aspergers and ADHD.....wheeeee!!
Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
Out of the mouths of babes.....
Bubby brought home a bunch of papers from school the other week and among them was a letter that he had written to Santa Claus back in December.... Keep in mind that he has Aspergers and Aspies tend to tell you exactly what they think/what's on their minds.....no social niceties here!
Dear Santa Claus:
I don't want anymore wars or crime sprees. Wars take people away. Crime steals, kills and multiplys (sic) each year. So, please stop wars! Stop crime!
It's for the army! It's for mugged people! Its for kids! It's for killed people! It's for missing/killed kids!
So, stop wars and crimes! Help the army! Help everyone! Help us kids and that's the reason.
Sincerely,
(Bubby's real name)
_________________________________________________________________
Kind of threw me for a loop when I read it the first time. I mean, we all know these things are going on.....but do we really know what our kids do/don't know about it all? I admit it....I didn't know he was *that* aware of what's going on in the world....it was Christmas time, I would have expected to hear about Pokemon and Transformers and the Warrior Clan books.....
I know that I'm going to be paying attention even more now.... With all the little things that Bubby stresses over, he doesn't need to take on the weight of the world right now too. Don't get me wrong....I'm proud of him that he wants these things to end (so do I and almost everyone else in the world) and that he thought of them over his favorite games/toys/books etc. But if these things are weighing on his mind, it's no wonder that the "little" things stress him out enough for him to pull out his eyelashes/eyebrows/hair. He's moved on to his hair now....has a little bald spot going right on the crown of his head. We took him in for a haircut over the weekend, so now that it's shorter the spot isn't as noticeable. He has fidgets to play with.....to keep his hands busy....even got him a new one this past weekend with the hope that it will help keep his fingers out of his hair/off his face....
Oh!!! Some good news where Lil Man is concerned! A while back I blogged about how Lil Man wasn't being cooperative at bathtime ......and about a week and a half ago, he did a complete turn around. TOTAL turnaround. You couldn't have shocked me more if you'd used a cattle prod....well, maybe....but you get what I mean right? When we got home from the sitters, I gave him a forewarning.... "Lil Man, we're going to take a bath tonight ok?" and he said "Ho-tay" ...I didn't take any notice of that...it hadn't meant "ok" regarding bath time in months, I didn't expect that it had changed. But....we'd been inside all of 5 minutes, I sat down to go thru the mail etc and all the sudden Lil Man slaps my knee and yelled "Mama! BAFF! NOW!" I about fell off my chair. Seriously. I looked at him and said "You *want* to take a bath?? Right now???" And he squealed "Yayyyyyy!!!!" I hopped to it let me tell ya.....if he wasn't pulling my leg, I was taking advantage of it! And, glory be! He wasn't pulling my leg! He joined me in the bathroom (instead of me having to chase his hiney down), started stripping off clothes, squealing and laughing the whole time. He got in the tub and started taking the washcloth, dunking it in the water and putting it on his head.....something that when I'd done it just a day or two before, he's screamed bloody murder over! I called the sitter and demanded.... "Who is this child??? And what have you done with my Lil Man???" They couldn't believe it either.....neither could daddy, who came into to investigate all the squeals and laughter. It's a dang miracle but, after almost a year of red-faced, scream-til-you-almost-puke, tantrums.....Lil Man is back to liking to be clean!!
Sweet!!!!
Dear Santa Claus:
I don't want anymore wars or crime sprees. Wars take people away. Crime steals, kills and multiplys (sic) each year. So, please stop wars! Stop crime!
It's for the army! It's for mugged people! Its for kids! It's for killed people! It's for missing/killed kids!
So, stop wars and crimes! Help the army! Help everyone! Help us kids and that's the reason.
Sincerely,
(Bubby's real name)
_________________________________________________________________
Kind of threw me for a loop when I read it the first time. I mean, we all know these things are going on.....but do we really know what our kids do/don't know about it all? I admit it....I didn't know he was *that* aware of what's going on in the world....it was Christmas time, I would have expected to hear about Pokemon and Transformers and the Warrior Clan books.....
I know that I'm going to be paying attention even more now.... With all the little things that Bubby stresses over, he doesn't need to take on the weight of the world right now too. Don't get me wrong....I'm proud of him that he wants these things to end (so do I and almost everyone else in the world) and that he thought of them over his favorite games/toys/books etc. But if these things are weighing on his mind, it's no wonder that the "little" things stress him out enough for him to pull out his eyelashes/eyebrows/hair. He's moved on to his hair now....has a little bald spot going right on the crown of his head. We took him in for a haircut over the weekend, so now that it's shorter the spot isn't as noticeable. He has fidgets to play with.....to keep his hands busy....even got him a new one this past weekend with the hope that it will help keep his fingers out of his hair/off his face....
Oh!!! Some good news where Lil Man is concerned! A while back I blogged about how Lil Man wasn't being cooperative at bathtime ......and about a week and a half ago, he did a complete turn around. TOTAL turnaround. You couldn't have shocked me more if you'd used a cattle prod....well, maybe....but you get what I mean right? When we got home from the sitters, I gave him a forewarning.... "Lil Man, we're going to take a bath tonight ok?" and he said "Ho-tay" ...I didn't take any notice of that...it hadn't meant "ok" regarding bath time in months, I didn't expect that it had changed. But....we'd been inside all of 5 minutes, I sat down to go thru the mail etc and all the sudden Lil Man slaps my knee and yelled "Mama! BAFF! NOW!" I about fell off my chair. Seriously. I looked at him and said "You *want* to take a bath?? Right now???" And he squealed "Yayyyyyy!!!!" I hopped to it let me tell ya.....if he wasn't pulling my leg, I was taking advantage of it! And, glory be! He wasn't pulling my leg! He joined me in the bathroom (instead of me having to chase his hiney down), started stripping off clothes, squealing and laughing the whole time. He got in the tub and started taking the washcloth, dunking it in the water and putting it on his head.....something that when I'd done it just a day or two before, he's screamed bloody murder over! I called the sitter and demanded.... "Who is this child??? And what have you done with my Lil Man???" They couldn't believe it either.....neither could daddy, who came into to investigate all the squeals and laughter. It's a dang miracle but, after almost a year of red-faced, scream-til-you-almost-puke, tantrums.....Lil Man is back to liking to be clean!!
Sweet!!!!
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
The rest of the story......
Holy cow!! I got a comment!! :::woot::: LOL...... Busy doesn't hardly cover Deb, seriously..... Ok....so, the rest of the story....
In the midst of my searching....I had a job change. Now Jackie couldn't contact me if she tried. I didn't give up though....I kept bugging the people at the # she'd given me....kept searching the streets of downtown KC. Finally, *finally*, I got hold of someone at that # who told me he not only knew who Jackie was but *where* she was! Gah....I was soooo excited....I gave him my #'s to give to her and totally expected to hear from her in the next day or so. Didn't happen. For several weeks I called the # and got hold of the same guy....he kept telling me he hadn't been "over her way" yet but he was going "tomorrow" yada yada. Then, during one of the calls, he mentioned that Jackie's "landlord" was about to kick her to the curb because she wasn't paying any rent, she was like 6 months behind. Now, a couple of things that I'd found out while working with the homeless (and in particular about this "landlord") is, if they think they have something you want, they will milk you for money the best way they know how. This "landlord" is basically a "slumlord" .....the # I was calling was one of his houses and he basically letting several people live there at the same time, collecting $$ from all of them. Real winner he is, for sure. Another thing I learned was specifically about Jackie......she's got pride. In all the time I'd known her, she'd NEVER ever asked for *anything*, much less money (exception being when she asked us to take her to drug rehab). She would actually get upset if we spent money on anything for her....very proud she was. So, I knew this guy was yanking my chain, so to speak. Jackie would never ask for money, or even hint that she needed it. I'd had enough, I called the Missing Persons unit of the KCPD to see what, if anything, I could do about filing a report on Jackie seeing as how I'm not family/relative. The detective I spoke with, God bless him, not only was able to tell me (in not so many words) about the "slumlord" associated with the #/house I was calling, he was able to confirm that, at least as of Feb of '07, Jackie was alive. He checked with the morgue and didn't find anything there either. He advised me to push a little harder on the person at the #/house and if I didn't get anywhere, call him back. So, I pushed....I was plenty pissed off so there wasn't alot of incentive needed. I called the #, got hold of the guy who immediately said to me "I'm so glad you called...I lost your #'s, really I did, and I'm going over there today" yada yada. I said that was fine, gave him the #'s again and then told him that I'd better hear from Jackie in the next 24 hours or I'd be filing a Missing Persons report, that I'd already spoken to a detective...that I was very concerned because I *knew* that if Jackie had my information and could call me, she would....that's how tight our bond was. She wouldn't let anyone, or anything, stop her from contacting me...short of being dead. Imagine my surprise when he said that the "landlord" was standing right there and wanted to talk to me. I immediately said that if he was going to ask me for money, he was barking up the wrong tree because 1) I didn't have any extra to give and 2) Jackie wouldn't ask for it. The guy told me no, it wasn't anything like that. So, I talked to the slumlord....and within 2 minutes had Jackie's cell #. Gah....I actually had her #......I tried to remind myself not to get my hopes up, that this could all be a trick or a lie.....something. He kept me on the damn phone for a good 15 minutes, all I wanted to do was hang up and dial that # he'd given me, but I tried to be nice and polite. Finally, he was done and I took a deep breath and dialed.
In less than 2 rings I heard a deep Southern, gritty Cajun voice say ... "Baby girl?!?! That you?!?!" I'm a baby....I started crying. After searching for as long as I had, to finally hear her voice and *know* that she was alive and (at least sounding) well....it overwhelmed me. She laughed and told me to stop crying, that she was ok, just fine...."fat 'n sassy"......in short order? She was....Jackie. Just Jackie. And I couldn't have been happier about it. LOL. This all happened on a Friday, a couple of weeks before Christmas...ok, if you insist....it was December 12th, approximately 3pm....wha?? You didn't think I'd remember something this important?? LOL. After talking for about 20 minutes, we made plans for me to come visit her the next day where she's living.
We spent about 2 hours the next day, catching up, laughing, crying.....the whole nine yards. I wish I could say that things are wonderful and perfect, but, this is real life....you take what you get, right? She's living in a basement, and I use that term very loosely, that I wouldn't want my worst enemy's dog to live in. She keeps it clean, cleanliness isn't the issue....it's the condition of the said "house", her asshole neighbors upstairs and the slumlord. She has a roomie, a buddy of hers named Mike (it's a brother/sister situation, no worries on that), he works thru temps services etc......she's got bad knees and can't work a lot but plans on working the sports arena when baseball season starts up again. Between the two of them, and the church up the street, they (barely) keep their heads above water. The jerks upstairs.....lordy but what a mess they are. White trash, alcoholic, meth-smoking punk ass jerks. And that's just the "mom". And I use *that* terms very very lightly. There's mom (in her 50's), 2 daughters (late teens and early 20's) and an asshole son (late teens) .....and 1 granddaughter (a baby, belongs to the early 20's daughter) and 1 grandson (4 yr old, part-time) that belongs to an older son who *doesn't* live with them. Seriously...they are one hot mess. They don't like Jackie and Mike living downstairs, stomp on the floors at all hours, the baby cries, the toddler throws tantrums, they (the "grown ups", including the teens) yell and scream and curse at the kids......they play thumping, punk-ass music from morning til late late night....."mom" spends her disability checks on alchol and drugs, the older daughter gets food stamps and WIC, the late teen daughter supposedly goes to school and the boy? He's just a lazy ass jerk who thinks he's all bad and intimidating. Ha. There's a story about him that I'll have to share on another day......it's a hoot. I'll give you a hint.....for some unknown reason the slumlord believes that I work for Social Services....I don't, but he thinks I do....and he told the family that. Boy, are they on their best behavior when I come around.... LMAO......
In the midst of my searching....I had a job change. Now Jackie couldn't contact me if she tried. I didn't give up though....I kept bugging the people at the # she'd given me....kept searching the streets of downtown KC. Finally, *finally*, I got hold of someone at that # who told me he not only knew who Jackie was but *where* she was! Gah....I was soooo excited....I gave him my #'s to give to her and totally expected to hear from her in the next day or so. Didn't happen. For several weeks I called the # and got hold of the same guy....he kept telling me he hadn't been "over her way" yet but he was going "tomorrow" yada yada. Then, during one of the calls, he mentioned that Jackie's "landlord" was about to kick her to the curb because she wasn't paying any rent, she was like 6 months behind. Now, a couple of things that I'd found out while working with the homeless (and in particular about this "landlord") is, if they think they have something you want, they will milk you for money the best way they know how. This "landlord" is basically a "slumlord" .....the # I was calling was one of his houses and he basically letting several people live there at the same time, collecting $$ from all of them. Real winner he is, for sure. Another thing I learned was specifically about Jackie......she's got pride. In all the time I'd known her, she'd NEVER ever asked for *anything*, much less money (exception being when she asked us to take her to drug rehab). She would actually get upset if we spent money on anything for her....very proud she was. So, I knew this guy was yanking my chain, so to speak. Jackie would never ask for money, or even hint that she needed it. I'd had enough, I called the Missing Persons unit of the KCPD to see what, if anything, I could do about filing a report on Jackie seeing as how I'm not family/relative. The detective I spoke with, God bless him, not only was able to tell me (in not so many words) about the "slumlord" associated with the #/house I was calling, he was able to confirm that, at least as of Feb of '07, Jackie was alive. He checked with the morgue and didn't find anything there either. He advised me to push a little harder on the person at the #/house and if I didn't get anywhere, call him back. So, I pushed....I was plenty pissed off so there wasn't alot of incentive needed. I called the #, got hold of the guy who immediately said to me "I'm so glad you called...I lost your #'s, really I did, and I'm going over there today" yada yada. I said that was fine, gave him the #'s again and then told him that I'd better hear from Jackie in the next 24 hours or I'd be filing a Missing Persons report, that I'd already spoken to a detective...that I was very concerned because I *knew* that if Jackie had my information and could call me, she would....that's how tight our bond was. She wouldn't let anyone, or anything, stop her from contacting me...short of being dead. Imagine my surprise when he said that the "landlord" was standing right there and wanted to talk to me. I immediately said that if he was going to ask me for money, he was barking up the wrong tree because 1) I didn't have any extra to give and 2) Jackie wouldn't ask for it. The guy told me no, it wasn't anything like that. So, I talked to the slumlord....and within 2 minutes had Jackie's cell #. Gah....I actually had her #......I tried to remind myself not to get my hopes up, that this could all be a trick or a lie.....something. He kept me on the damn phone for a good 15 minutes, all I wanted to do was hang up and dial that # he'd given me, but I tried to be nice and polite. Finally, he was done and I took a deep breath and dialed.
In less than 2 rings I heard a deep Southern, gritty Cajun voice say ... "Baby girl?!?! That you?!?!" I'm a baby....I started crying. After searching for as long as I had, to finally hear her voice and *know* that she was alive and (at least sounding) well....it overwhelmed me. She laughed and told me to stop crying, that she was ok, just fine...."fat 'n sassy"......in short order? She was....Jackie. Just Jackie. And I couldn't have been happier about it. LOL. This all happened on a Friday, a couple of weeks before Christmas...ok, if you insist....it was December 12th, approximately 3pm....wha?? You didn't think I'd remember something this important?? LOL. After talking for about 20 minutes, we made plans for me to come visit her the next day where she's living.
We spent about 2 hours the next day, catching up, laughing, crying.....the whole nine yards. I wish I could say that things are wonderful and perfect, but, this is real life....you take what you get, right? She's living in a basement, and I use that term very loosely, that I wouldn't want my worst enemy's dog to live in. She keeps it clean, cleanliness isn't the issue....it's the condition of the said "house", her asshole neighbors upstairs and the slumlord. She has a roomie, a buddy of hers named Mike (it's a brother/sister situation, no worries on that), he works thru temps services etc......she's got bad knees and can't work a lot but plans on working the sports arena when baseball season starts up again. Between the two of them, and the church up the street, they (barely) keep their heads above water. The jerks upstairs.....lordy but what a mess they are. White trash, alcoholic, meth-smoking punk ass jerks. And that's just the "mom". And I use *that* terms very very lightly. There's mom (in her 50's), 2 daughters (late teens and early 20's) and an asshole son (late teens) .....and 1 granddaughter (a baby, belongs to the early 20's daughter) and 1 grandson (4 yr old, part-time) that belongs to an older son who *doesn't* live with them. Seriously...they are one hot mess. They don't like Jackie and Mike living downstairs, stomp on the floors at all hours, the baby cries, the toddler throws tantrums, they (the "grown ups", including the teens) yell and scream and curse at the kids......they play thumping, punk-ass music from morning til late late night....."mom" spends her disability checks on alchol and drugs, the older daughter gets food stamps and WIC, the late teen daughter supposedly goes to school and the boy? He's just a lazy ass jerk who thinks he's all bad and intimidating. Ha. There's a story about him that I'll have to share on another day......it's a hoot. I'll give you a hint.....for some unknown reason the slumlord believes that I work for Social Services....I don't, but he thinks I do....and he told the family that. Boy, are they on their best behavior when I come around.... LMAO......
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